In my last post, I seem to come down hard on Jerzy. I wish to temper that with some thoughts about his devotion to Julie throughout this terribly taxing time since Julie's first stroke in 2001. That stroke nearly took her from us and after a very long hospitalization she was transferred to rehab and finally home. She was partially paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair. The stroke didn't affect her cognitive ability, speech, and she was still Julie but with a mobility problem. Jerzy did everything he could to make her life as pleasant as possible. The house was retrofitted with safety controls, the garden was landscaped to allow her access in the wheelchair and an elevator was installed to take Julie up to the studio. Daycare workers were hired as well as a regular physiotherapist but over the years Jerzy is the principal caregiver.
He is now over 80 and becoming infirm himself. The 24 hour on-call role is wearing him out and it is reflected in his mood swings. His devotion to her has been astonishing given how selfish he had been throughout their marriage. He loved Julie in his fashion but always needed to be in control. He could be profoundly unpleasant when his control was threatened. This quality has made it almost impossible for him to receive advice, or assistance from anyone. He is a philosophical materialist who can't draw upon any wells of inner faith for respite. His arrogance over the years has left very few friends or confidants. He adores his children and they are his only support. This places them in a very difficult position, because as his children, they are not his peers. He can shut them down in a nano-second. So they are asked for advice on the one hand and ignored on the other. As a materialist, Jerzy puts inordinate faith in doctors and other medical professionals who often don't know Julie or see her as we do. Common sense sometimes suffers because of that as does her quality of life.
Now all these strengths and failings are merging into a tired old man who is wearing out, can't control events and most troubling for him, I'm sure, he is losing his self-control. He feels helpless and guilty about this. Guilt makes a cruel companion when you can't ask for help. His position is so very difficult and I feel a deep sadness for him but I can't provide him help because he dislikes me too much to allow it. I can be available if I'm needed and I'll do whatever is necessary for Julie's well being. She is the one that matters the most and I'll accept Jerzy's contradictions and rudeness as long as she needs me.
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About Me
- kingmisha
- I'm bigger than a pile of breadboxes, but smaller than a Sherman tank. I'm overeducated, underpaid but very content with my life. I have loved infrequently but intensely. I dated a poet, divorced a Dean, had an affair with a jazz pianist, was engaged to a diplomat, and widowed by my child's father. The men in my life were all very special. Not all grand passions but much loved in their time: Leonard Cohen, Alfred Pinsky, Billy Horn, Wendell Goodin, and Elliot Hirschman. Thanks for the memories... I'm a lapsed artist which doesn't really trouble me because I'm a very successful parent. I lacked the requisite conceit to persevere as an artist. I just couldn't make myself believe that my art came before my child. The world really doesn't need another sculptor (even a good one), but it does need another good human being. It can use all the good human beings we can turn out. I present Mambolica as my evidence so judge for yourselves.