The excitement of my last post has become less exciting and a lot more work. I have been working steadily at completing the sculpture bases, finishing the pieces and culling my paintings. I have since learned that my exhibition will be in March instead of April which suits me fine. It just means I have to be ready sooner. All my publicity material has to be done by early Feb. and out to the media by mid February.
I spent the last few days studying my paintings. It is quite easy to eliminate the poor work, and also not too difficult to identify the best work. Most of an artist's work falls in the mid range, not bad but also not brilliant. Like most, I have a hard time sorting out the mid category work because I can form attachments for the wrong reasons. I may like one because it was a particularly nice day when I painted it, or because I saw a beaver swim by, or because someone said they liked it. None of these reasons has anything to do with painterly values or my work standards. So I have to leave them up and look at them in different light for a couple of days.
It's a challenge and now I must think about framing and what I can afford. The Blue Tomato is an unpretentious gallery. The artist currently exhibiting there has hung unframed canvases and it looks great. I work on paper and must frame them, but do I go cheap (poster frames) or better (under glass). Peterborough generally does not buy original art, so I'm not counting on selling. Tomorrow I'll visit framers to get ideas and estimates.
I have drafted an artist statement, invitation and cv. Maya doesn't like the CV but has not offered me an example of what she would like. Obviously, I'm more involved than she is but I miss sharing thoughts and ideas with her. This is an important and exciting step in my life and I'm feeling somewhat abandoned by her.
Maya's life is on another track moving farther and farther away from me. I have to learn how to detach myself from her and not be hurt as she goes her own way. This is the chapter of my life nobody prepared me for. I have gone through all the others as she grew up. I taught her to be independent and encouraged her to take risks. I supported her decisions and helped in whatever way she needed. I let go bit by bit as her life needed. It was hard at times and emotionally I sometimes still hid behind trees like when she walked to school on her own the first time. I was prepared to let go. What I was not prepared for was her letting me go. I always believed there would be room in her life for two loves: that the loves would be different but in balance.
This is not what I'm experiencing alas. Just at the point in her life when her partner has become her confident and best friend, I'm realizing a loss. I am no longer needed. I never thought I would become one of those pathetic mothers whining "so why don't you ever call me?" Now after all the years of caring for and about my child, how do I learn to care for and about me? This is an intellectual question about an emotional condition and I'm not convinced there is a suitable emotional answer.
So back to my thoughts about the show. The preparations are keeping me busy and my friends are excited on my behalf. But all the while my heart wishes for my daughter.
It's sometimes really sad growing old, even as you should be happy.
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About Me
- kingmisha
- I'm bigger than a pile of breadboxes, but smaller than a Sherman tank. I'm overeducated, underpaid but very content with my life. I have loved infrequently but intensely. I dated a poet, divorced a Dean, had an affair with a jazz pianist, was engaged to a diplomat, and widowed by my child's father. The men in my life were all very special. Not all grand passions but much loved in their time: Leonard Cohen, Alfred Pinsky, Billy Horn, Wendell Goodin, and Elliot Hirschman. Thanks for the memories... I'm a lapsed artist which doesn't really trouble me because I'm a very successful parent. I lacked the requisite conceit to persevere as an artist. I just couldn't make myself believe that my art came before my child. The world really doesn't need another sculptor (even a good one), but it does need another good human being. It can use all the good human beings we can turn out. I present Mambolica as my evidence so judge for yourselves.