Thoughts on a "gender neutral" discussion.

It's back in the news and provoking all kinds of speculation, debate and dialogue. The experiment: the parents who have decided to keep the gender of their new child a secret for as long as possible may be doing that child a serious disservice. To allow shim* to develop an identity without gender bias being imposed on shim. (*"Shim" I have made a contraction from she and him in order not to refer to a child as it). Gender neutrality can also create new grammatical issues as a byproduct.

Babies begin life gender neutral and I always believed gender became less neutral as children grow. There isn't a mammalian species anywhere that is without gender traits. Since the purpose of a species is to reproduce, it is essential that they have the recognition and stimulation traits necessary to accomplish that. A tom cat is very different from a queen yet they are both cats sharing similar feline behaviour. Even when they are neutered they still retain some gender differences. A stallion is a different horse from a mare but they both share the traits of a horse. These differences are neither good nor bad. They just are.

Only when social class, economics and rewards enter the picture as with us humans, does gender become more desirable or less desirable. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if gender were truly neutral. But, if in a society, a woman is worth less than a man it becomes necessary to fight for a gender advantage. The search for gender neutrality is a search for social and economic parity. It can't work, because the biological imperative to reproduce is too strong. Instead of searching for neutrality, which I believe is a sad diminution of the sexuality of our species, we should be stamping out the stigmas that devalue girls and women.

A New Day

It's a new day and two days away from the Summer Equinox. The days remain light until after nine P.M. and I just love it. Willy and I have our late afternoon rest down by the pond around 7:00 and we listen to the evening birdsong. My Koi are in mating mode, with frenzied chasing around the pond. I get exhausted just watching. I don't know where the female will get the energy to lay her eggs after all this. Fortunately it will settle down in a couple of days. If more young survive, I'll have to give them away because we have reached capacity for the size of the pond. I do love watching those fish in their own world, living their underwater lives. The pond is my restful destination when I'm outside.

It seems so sad to me that I can't share this place with my family. They live too far away to drop in and Glenn's work schedule prevents weekend visits. I have created an oasis of beauty and calm for me and my cat. The same applies to the cottage. The kids don't use it either due to a lack of vacation time, but more because I don't believe Glenn really likes it there. All these years I've been keeping it up and paying to maintain a place to share with Maya, and she can't use it.

It seems to me, that nothing I've made and loved will be passed on to family. I might just as well cash it out, travel and move into a condo. Families live separate lives in distant locations now. The concept if heritage and roots cannot be sustained by the older generation alone so society suffers. Dislocated families create communities with little permanence. Recent studies have shown that the highest level of contentment is reached by people who have a deep sense of belonging. It seems we thrive within the bonds of neighbours, friends and families. We need a sense of commitment to others within a community where we have a family history and can make a contribution.

I'm not surprised but I'm glad studies have been done to confirm what we know instinctively. That is why First Nations have survived no matter how poor their reserve lands are. Their members go away, knowing they can always come home. No matter what happens outside the community, first peoples know the community will welcome them home. That's more than most non-natives can say. Globalization has been terribly damaging to the mental health of workers world wide. Communities of people get torn apart and sent elsewhere while the elderly are left behind to preserve obsolete traditions and history of homelands with no future.

So if I cash out my assets and move into a seniors' warehouse, the gardens, structures and memories I made here, pass into the hands of strangers who don't care about what went before. It is a very disheartening prospect for me.

Everything is conspiring to increase my discomfort. Major repairs to cottage, maintenance and repairs to the house, storm damage to the trees, car needs some work and new tires are recommended and no decent student applications for the room rental are stressing me greatly. Then Maya hears that she was not accepted into the PhD program at Trent with a terse and very arrogant email. They forgot to notify her and she had to request the information with only two weeks left to apply elsewhere. No apology and no courtesy was offered. This, from the wife of a good colleague
of mine. Disgraceful!

So it must be me right? That's how I make myself crazy - it's not me. I didn't bring this about. I'm not responsible for life's difficulties. I am responsible if I don't recognize the realities, accept them and take some remedial action. I do know this, however, like with all things this too shall pass.