Hold the door ajar.

This was first posted on LJ in response to a question raised about having children. The question was posed by Maya and the respondents were mostly young women in her circle of friends. I have met these women and know some quite well through the use of LJ. I love them in all their diversity and intelligence. They are precisely the women I would hang with if I were of their generation. They have spunk, character, creativity and generosity and to a woman they don't want children nor do they believe they would make good mothers.

They love and take care of animals, love their friends, help each other in a nano second as the need arises. They all care deeply about the planet and take steps to make their environment as good and healthy for others as for themselves. It is precisely because they have these gifts that their comments have left me feeling so very sad.

I admire all these young women and I believe the future will be in good hands with them in charge. I respect their choices and I pass no judgment, but I do regret that we are losing the opportunity to have children brought into the world by the best and the brightest of women. If the bright, strong women reject motherhood we will be facing a future of offspring descended from the unthinking, the unmindful, the uncreative and unimaginative. Not an optimistic outlook for the human gene pool. Not a happy prospect to contemplate.

In motherhood they fear what they would have to give up, the loss of solitude, ambition, independence, spontaneity and they express no confidence in their ability to nurture even as they are doing it now with their pets, partners, and friends. These are all valid fears. No parent ever sprang forth fully formed with nurturing skills. Every responsible parent thinks they are not adequate to the responsibility.

I don't think anyone can accuse me of not living a full life. I have done a lot in the world and for the world. My life has been hard, and sad and wonderful. I can assert without a shadow of a doubt, that having and raising Maya has been my greatest and most rewarding experience. I seem to have had a talent for motherhood. It was and remains my constant joy.

Oh, I was afraid. I had no idea what to do. I feared babies and was not very "maternal". I didn't have any yearnings when friends had babies, and I was very ambitious and independent. Then suddenly, I was ready (the right man helps), I got pregnant and nine months later I was a Mom. Elliot and I bumbled forth with hope, love and a new baby that we feared we would break. But it all came together one day at a time. It turned out to be the most creative, innovative, frustrating and challenging journey: a real trip, Elliot would say. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Motherhood's greatest gift has been to get me out of myself. It made me realize that I'm not the centre of the universe and that there is a more important reason to be living than just me.

At the risk of sounding nauseating, parenting showed me a love greater than any I'd ever known. That I'm capable of such a love is awesome in its truest meaning.

All I can suggest to those self-doubting young women, "is live your lives to the fullest, realize your dreams, but don't close the door so firmly on motherhood just yet".