Today is a warmer (only - 4) day but quite grey and damp looking. It's looking like it might snow. I like it colder with bright sunlight and no wind. A -4 * day with a strong wind chill is far more difficult to tolerate than -20 with sun and no wind. We have had a few of those bright crisp cold days lately, that make my winter experience thrilling. Walking on crunching snow is one of my favourite sounds. I guess I must be Canadian.
I was invited to visit friends in Florida, and kept looking to find a time to get away. It dawned on me now that it's February, that I'm procrastinating in part, because I don't want to leave and also because I'm not too fond of Florida. I like my friends very much, so it is no reflection on their hospitality. I'm just weird about winter. I keep thinking I'd like to go to Cuba sometime, or back to Columbia (which I loved), or to revisit Jamaica but I don't do it. I only think about it. I do have concerns about the heat. Lately, I have had such bizarre physical reactions to the heat that it makes me nervous going into it deliberately. I've even had to install air conditioning in the cottage to prevent getting sick in a heat wave. Knowing I have it, really relieves my anxiety. So
those are my reasons for staying put.
I have been invited to speak at a dear friend's first anniversary in AA. It is a true honour to do this because I know how difficult his journey has been. Sobriety, as a way of life, is the farthest thing from any alcoholic's mind. The first year is a struggle that I would never want to relive. My HP and the fear of losing my precious sobriety, has kept me sober *one day at a time* for 36 years. It has been a gift beyond any in my life, except the birth of Maya. Her birth would never have happened had I not walked into AA. The miracle of her arrival, following three miscarriages, was a direct result of my sobriety. So, I have much to be grateful for and it will be a joy to share that with D's AA Group.
As it happens, his First Anniversary is on March 15, my 71st Birthday. Without a shadow of a doubt, I can say that I would never have reached my 71st birthday without my 36 years of sobriety. It wasn't always a smooth trip and there were many painful moments in my life since February 19, 1975, because that's life - full of peaks and valleys. By living each 24 hours without my crutch of oblivion, I can say, each step of the journey was felt, experienced, and increased my consciousness. I am part of the world and I can have a hand in changing the world. I am responsible! I believe it's called maturity and I like it.
In sharing D's anniversary, I hope I can help some newcomers hang in there. There is hope and a good life awaiting them if they believe in the group's love, follow the collective experience in those AA rooms, and with the help of their HP come to believe in themselves.
Nowhere else in this life can I promise that things will get better.
Thank you D.
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About Me
- kingmisha
- I'm bigger than a pile of breadboxes, but smaller than a Sherman tank. I'm overeducated, underpaid but very content with my life. I have loved infrequently but intensely. I dated a poet, divorced a Dean, had an affair with a jazz pianist, was engaged to a diplomat, and widowed by my child's father. The men in my life were all very special. Not all grand passions but much loved in their time: Leonard Cohen, Alfred Pinsky, Billy Horn, Wendell Goodin, and Elliot Hirschman. Thanks for the memories... I'm a lapsed artist which doesn't really trouble me because I'm a very successful parent. I lacked the requisite conceit to persevere as an artist. I just couldn't make myself believe that my art came before my child. The world really doesn't need another sculptor (even a good one), but it does need another good human being. It can use all the good human beings we can turn out. I present Mambolica as my evidence so judge for yourselves.