We need a lube job.

One of the after effects of a house full of people is the intense quiet once everyone leaves. I really enjoy that quiet. It's like the days when Maya was little and went to bed at night. I would sit in the quiet and relish my aloneness. There was never such a sweet feeling. That doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy my children or that I don't love house guests. Not at all. I really enjoyed the weekend a lot. It was filled with activity, a birthday party for Tori; a day with my other daughter Tracy and her two little people; Glenn 's quiet conversation, dinner with Kathleen and Ray in attendance, and throughout, Maya 's energy and humour. It was wonderful fun and I loved cooking special meals and the lively conversation, but last night when everyone had gone, I enjoyed that special calm of solitude.

People need solitude to be friends with themselves. We need silence to connect with our inner selves. In this world of mobile communication devices, silence and solitude has become rare and all the more precious.

I find it troubling to see that my daughter, her man, and so many others can no longer disconnect from their Blackberries. Wherever we go, they are checking their messages and texting others. It's done in restaurants, at birthday parties, in mid conversation et al. What could possibly be so important that it justifies such discourtesy? At the very least, leave the room if you must check your messages.

Nobody likes to feel irrelevant, but that is exactly how I feel when a text or a ring tone interrupts our face to face connection. It's like talking with someone, at a party, who is constantly scanning the room for someone more important to talk to. Cell phones are really useful devices for safety, keeping people informed of your whereabouts, checking meeting times and warning about road conditions. None of these need to be reported or checked in mid-conversation at social functions. Doing so, sends out the message that being in the now with fellow human beings is of lesser value. It is dear people, at the very least - rude, and at its worst - unkind.

There are enough situations in daily life that devalue us, we don't need it reinforced by our friends, nearest and dearest. The time seems to be at hand where human interaction is no longer prized and we are settling for imitations of life. Does LOL really mean laughter, and OMG really register genuine surprise? Will we ever be satisfied with :) when a real smile is needed? I'm from the generation that invented labour saving technology and strove to make life easier for people. We were on the threshold of a culture shift. Marshall McLuhan sounded the warning about the medium becoming the message and he was right. It's time to reflect on how far we, as a species, are prepared to go in surrendering ourselves. As individuals, we need to decide how much of our humanity we are willing consign to this technology addiction.

In our daily discourse, we could take the first step by turning off our cell phones to talk to each other. Let's stop referencing our senses in text, and instead, using our touch, sight, smell, laughter, emotion and intellect to again embrace one another in real time. I believe that we would see less road rage, less frustration and reduce the new phenomenon of pedestrian rage. A civil society requires civil citizens to function and the purpose of courtesy has been to lubricate society. Judging from what passes for social interaction in this technological world, we are all desperately in need of a lube job.

This is not a rant against my nearest and dearest. They are no worse or better than everyone else in their generation, being swept along by the tide of dehumanization. They are busy people doing the best they can and, no doubt, see these technological advances as a huge benefit. I honestly believe that they would be less stressed and busy if they unplugged more often. They need more time to listen to their inner selves and to each other. We all need some silence to make friends with ourselves.

Remembering where I belong.

Today is a warmer (only - 4) day but quite grey and damp looking. It's looking like it might snow. I like it colder with bright sunlight and no wind. A -4 * day with a strong wind chill is far more difficult to tolerate than -20 with sun and no wind. We have had a few of those bright crisp cold days lately, that make my winter experience thrilling. Walking on crunching snow is one of my favourite sounds. I guess I must be Canadian.

I was invited to visit friends in Florida, and kept looking to find a time to get away. It dawned on me now that it's February, that I'm procrastinating in part, because I don't want to leave and also because I'm not too fond of Florida. I like my friends very much, so it is no reflection on their hospitality. I'm just weird about winter. I keep thinking I'd like to go to Cuba sometime, or back to Columbia (which I loved), or to revisit Jamaica but I don't do it. I only think about it. I do have concerns about the heat. Lately, I have had such bizarre physical reactions to the heat that it makes me nervous going into it deliberately. I've even had to install air conditioning in the cottage to prevent getting sick in a heat wave. Knowing I have it, really relieves my anxiety. So
those are my reasons for staying put.

I have been invited to speak at a dear friend's first anniversary in AA. It is a true honour to do this because I know how difficult his journey has been. Sobriety, as a way of life, is the farthest thing from any alcoholic's mind. The first year is a struggle that I would never want to relive. My HP and the fear of losing my precious sobriety, has kept me sober *one day at a time* for 36 years. It has been a gift beyond any in my life, except the birth of Maya. Her birth would never have happened had I not walked into AA. The miracle of her arrival, following three miscarriages, was a direct result of my sobriety. So, I have much to be grateful for and it will be a joy to share that with D's AA Group.

As it happens, his First Anniversary is on March 15, my 71st Birthday. Without a shadow of a doubt, I can say that I would never have reached my 71st birthday without my 36 years of sobriety. It wasn't always a smooth trip and there were many painful moments in my life since February 19, 1975, because that's life - full of peaks and valleys. By living each 24 hours without my crutch of oblivion, I can say, each step of the journey was felt, experienced, and increased my consciousness. I am part of the world and I can have a hand in changing the world. I am responsible! I believe it's called maturity and I like it.

In sharing D's anniversary, I hope I can help some newcomers hang in there. There is hope and a good life awaiting them if they believe in the group's love, follow the collective experience in those AA rooms, and with the help of their HP come to believe in themselves.

Nowhere else in this life can I promise that things will get better.

Thank you D.

Pets and their people.

We are having a bout of illness here. First me, with that horrendous ear infection. Both ears completely blocked and aching. I had close to a month of being out of it from drugs, pain and deafness. Now Kathleen, my lodger, is ill with a vicious sinus infection. She missed several days at school and is sleeping round the clock. I've been making healthy soups and stir fries to keep up her strength. For the time being, Willy has escaped it. He had a really difficult time when I was deaf because I couldn't hear him and didn't respond appropriately. He chatters all the time and I respond but when I wasn't answering him he started to become withdrawn and mopey. When I returned to normal, Willy was wary, then jubilant. Another example of how sensitive our pets can be to our health and mood changes. Now he is disturbed by Kathleen being shut in her room. He sits and picks at her door but she doesn't respond. This troubles him. Sometimes he'll stand on his hind legs and rattle her door-nob. I call him away so he won't awaken her.

Much as I love cats, I draw the line at cat fisticuffs and caterwauling on my back deck. They are not even my cats. One huge white male belongs to a neighbour. He is a bully and Willy instinctively dislikes him. The other is a dark grey feral tabby. I have been leaving a bowl of kibble and water in a sheltered spot for the feral cat who is too shy to come out if I'm there. The white cat is well fed and should stay home but clearly has owners who put him out at night (even if it's freezing). The feral cat has nobody, and my food eases his rough life slightly. Tonight the bully showed up as the feral cat was feeding. There ensued such a territorial dispute, it was alarming. The white cat decided to launch an attack on the feral cat, who wanted to escape but was cornered. I seized a broom and intervened. They both ran off in different directions. The bully will go home and the feral lad will sneak back to eat his supper. Willy, inside, became over stimulated by all this and had to do his cushion to unwind.

Snow days are pure magic.

I'm retired, so I have no pressing or urgent need to be anywhere. I can work or not work at my own pace. Still, snow days are surprise presents from the sky and out of our control. They just happen and it's the randomness that makes a snow day such a welcome gift. We have all been given a get out of jail free card and we can relax without a schedule or guilt.

I love snow days! Kathleen, my lodger was called early in the morning - college closed - brilliant! Back to bed she went. I woke up to that wonderful silence that accompanies heavy snow falls. I looked out at the pristine unploughed world that is my garden and smiled with the recollected joy of my childhood. Yay it's a *snow day*.

I canceled my podiatrist appointment and spent the day in my jammies. I read, wrote birthday cards, played on my computer and briefly went outside in big tall boots, over my pants, to smell the air.

Willy, my adventurous cat tried gingerly high stepping it over the snow. No, not so good, so he walked all around my deck banister and over my window sill to get back inside. I took some winter photos and came in as well.

We ended the day with a good supper and a relaxing fire in the fireplace. Kathleen, Willy and I had a perfect winter day. We were blessed with a lot of snow. Sigh.